HELLO.

So yesterday, I found out that I was apparently an object of hate in my own platoon.

Naturally, I was upset, but as much as I'd like to simply chalk it all up to a series of unfortunate misunderstandings, I know that such accusations are not truly unfounded.

I've failed very, very miserably. As a team commander, a human being & a friend.

On a separate issue, I've realised that the reason why I've been trying so hard to fix certain friendships isn't because I especially value those friendships above all other friendships.

It's simply because I'm too insecure & immature to admit that some people just hate me. 

All this while, I thought I was being most mature by trying to fix my problems. But the irony is that the real problem is me having such a huge fear of being unwanted. I was, and still am, so entirely unwilling to be alone.

Now that I know the problem, I've got to stop hurting myself this way. I need to just accept the loss & move on from there.

After all, I was, in a way, a victim of sorts. I was ganged up on by people I considered my friends. But it was really my fault because I let them get close enough to hurt me.

As Heath says, we need to learn to focus more on ourselves. Friends do come & go. But at the end of the day, what's most important is that you stick to those values that you hold dear. On that note, I've probably not done very well.

I will grow from this experience, and learn to be stronger. I'll never allow myself to feel so hurt ever again.